I haven’t written anything in over a month.

Not for this blog, not for myself, not anything.

I have tried. I’ve sat down at my keyboard and stared at a blank screen for an hour.

My heart and soul have been otherwise occupied with the state of current events…and if you want to get into it, past events. Events that have happened throughout hundreds of years. To BIPOC all over this country and frankly the world. Racism and racial prejudice permeate governments and institutions all around the world for reasons that I cannot fathom. I just cannot bring my thought process into the lines of any color of skin or place of birth being superior to another.

I see color everywhere I look, and it is beautiful. It is powerful, it is full of love and compassion. It swirls around people, melding with those around them. It heals if you let it. It creates, it humors, it imparts wisdom. It is part of what makes us what we are, who we are. We draw in the colors of those around us and take them with us wherever we go. Some people have colors that are gray and dingy, lined with anger and fear. Some people don’t want any of the other colors because they are afraid it will take away from who they are; they have yet to realize the enrichment that comes from all of those other colors swirling around them.

I was given the opportunity during this time to see some of the people in my life with clear sight. I was saddened to realize that I had allowed these people to continue being in my life because they are family, even though I do not fit into their mold or their world. In this time I was also given the reminder that your family is who you choose it to be. The choice to walk away from someone in itself is not something to be made lightly, but when education and conversation and love and compassion cannot change the vehemence behind the hate, it becomes something toxic that eats away at what is there. I can see with clarity that there are simply things I no longer want in my life and that it is better for myself, and my family, to make that decision. Harder, in reality, to follow through, so hopefully living on the road makes it impossible to fail.