Welcome to 41

When I turned 40 last year a friend joked to me that I wasn't 40, I was “39 for life.”

I didn't laugh,

I didn't think it was funny.

When did it become such a bad thing for women to age? How many generations of women have gone through life feeling as though they weren't good enough?

Haven't we worked enough, or cared enough, or created enough, or solved enough, or invented enough, or fixed enough, or healed enough, or simply lived enough, to be allowed to age and have gray hair and lines on our faces from living and enjoying life, without being made to feel ashamed by our appearance?

Some women love makeup, they love fashion, they enjoy having the ability to enhance or change their look, they enjoy dressing up and wearing heels.

Some women pretend they enjoy those things, trying to fit in with what society has them convinced they need to be, all the while losing themselves in the charade.

Some women want nothing to do with any of that. They simply want to live the life they have and enjoy it, without feeling the need to answer to anyone about who they are.

All of these types of women are equally real, and deserve to be supported for who they are and what they want in life.

I find myself wondering though, why do I see so many women trying so hard to hide who they are?

Maybe it's because society has conditioned so many women into believing that unless they're painted with makeup, always wearing the latest fashions, with surgically or chemically smoothed and enhanced skin, and hair that shows no grey, they have little value.

When my friend joked about being “39 forever!” I didn't think it was funny, because I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am today. Through mental health struggles, to feeling like it was pointless when nobody would hire me after being a stay at home mom for 7 years…which turned into 14, because still nobody would hire me. Getting up every day and doing things that terrified me, but doing them anyway because people relied on me.

I want people to acknowledge that I am 41, not “39 forever!”.

I want people to acknowledge all the work and choices and mistakes and triumphs and growth that went into turning 41.

I don't wear makeup, and haven't for almost a decade.

I don't shave my legs or underarms.

I have short hair sometimes.

I have long hair sometimes.

I have thinning spots in my hair always.

I wear aprons whenever I can.

I wear dresses over dresses, because I like them.

I have used a menstrual cup for 12 years and I'll never go back.

I wear pants.

I carry a purse.

I don't carry a purse.

I sing to release.

I meditate to immerse.

I run to escape.

I hike barefoot to connect with the spirits that rest in the mountains.

I do yoga to find balance and align my energy.

I swing a pickaxe without missing.

I lug dead trees around.

I assemble furniture using the instructions.

I read cards for myself and those I love.

I read cards for those who I am told need it.

I give plants life.

I take with gratitude, what the plants freely offer in return.

I forage Mother Earth for the gifts she gives us.

I cook with intention.

I sew for myself and for others.

I paint walls.

I shoot guns.

I am my own boss.

I build things.

I find the things people lose.

I create things that bring joy and peace.

I make medicines that heal people.

I own my home outright. No bank involved.

I drive mountain passes slower than the speed limit.

I support other women and their choices.

I teach what I can.

I love wholly.

I give what is needed.

I take what is freely offered.

I feel your anger, your fear.

I feel your joy, your laughter.

I feel your sadness, your pain.

I make mistakes.

I accept responsibility for myself and my actions.

I am flawed and imperfect.

I am allowed to be who I am, because I ALLOW MYSELF TO BE WHO I AM.

Nobody else can make that choice for me, for you.

You can be who you are; lines, freckles, grey hairs, extra pounds, hairy underarms, messy hair, dirty apron, glamorous made up face, dressed to the nines, six inch heels, any of it, all of it.

Or, you can be the person you allow society to choose.

The only person stopping you from being YOU, is you.

• I know there are people who live in places where being who they are isn't always safe for their lives. Know that if you are one of those people, I offer love and emotional support. Though it isn't much, or as helpful as physical support, it is all I have to give and it is full of healing energy 💚