Going Back Isn’t Always a Good Idea

When I started this blog, it was meant to be a sort of journal for me, hence this page being the Journal option in the site menu. Andy got involved and somehow it became a part of the bus journey, and I became very unenthusiastic about sharing anything that was personal to me. In my mind, I wanted the freedom to be honest and open with strangers without having to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings by having my own.

People tend to look down on you for daring to have your own opinions and emotions, and for being honest about them. I know many people who would rather you lie to them than tell them the truth. People who are hiding from their own truths. People who are lying about others and don’t want to get caught. People who are lying to themselves and don’t want to step into the light, where they might be forced to be honest with themselves.

Since we took the leap into bus life, I’ve learned that there are too many people in my life who did nothing but lie. People who look in the mirror and see something totally different than the mask they put on to show to the world. People who are angry that we did what we wanted. People who are angry that I don’t fit into the box they made for me. People who are jealous that I took a risk and did something for me instead of sticking to the status quo. People who are too afraid to rock the boat, so they keep themselves trapped in a place they hate or a relationship they can’t tolerate anymore but are too scared to leave. People who react to life instead of responding to it. Anyone who would rather lie about you than be honest about themselves is never worth your time and energy.

We came back to Minnesota on a stack of lies, and we had no idea until we got here. Everything inside of me told me not to come, but I had allowed others to make me feel like I needed to. I didn’t. I should have put my foot down for my own well-being, but I let the feeling of duty make my decision. I’m too fucking nice for my own good.

I filmed along the way from North Carolina to Minnesota, and watching some of that footage after we landed was eye-opening to me about how much I really knew this wasn’t where we belonged but ignored what I was feeling. I decided to use it for my own video here on this blog, rather than make it an Andy and Nancy video because while it does have to do with our travel, it is much more personal to me. I had to remove some of the footage because I spoke at length about my sister and how far she’s come in her struggle against alcohol, and she wasn’t ready to share that with people she knew who might watch it. Little does she know that nobody from her part of the country comes to this blog.

I hope you take the time to watch the video.