What is "real"?
Two years ago, when Andy asked me to be in the bus videos, I was very sure that I did not want to do it. All I could think was how boring we are and how obnoxious my laugh is. I am still not sure exactly how he got me in front of the camera. Maybe it was easing into putting myself out there with the blog four months prior.
The other day Andy and I were watching a video on YouTube from another couple, Don and Mela, who are also building an MCI. Their channel is called Rehabit8, and in *this video Mela was being open and honest about her feelings in regards to comments left about their work speed or abilities. She said that their videos are not a "how to build a bus" series, but rather that their channel is a journey through their life and all the aspects of it, good and bad. It is real, THEY are real, as in what you see is what you get. Oh yeah, and they just happen to be building a bus in the middle of it all.
Her emotion through it all had me thinking about all the times I have watched my own footage during editing and cringed at the way my emotions come through the camera, yet I've left those moments in the final edit. I've made some videos for this blog, where my first plan was not to be a snotty mess, but to sort of journal the overwhelming feelings that come from grief and changes you aren't ready for.
I open myself up, exposing my pain and joy for all to see. Or, at least those who want to see...
I feel as though people need to see it all. They need to see your good; your happy instagram photos, your build videos where everything goes right, the happy accidents that work out in your favor.
But, I think they also need to see the bad; the spilled laquer and ruined notebook, the loneliness and pain, and tears when my daughter moved across the country and my four-legged shadow died within a week, the times you have to redo something because somehow even after measuring three times you end up with a screen that is too narrow.
People need to see that life is not perfect. There is nowhere in the world where you'll find anyone who has ever had a perfect life. Everyone gets hurt. Everyone struggles with mental health, whether they'll admit it or not, everyone feels pain and sadness, joy and love, happiness...
I will always be real. I don't know any other way. I cry. I yell. I get angry, and sad, and hurt. I laugh, I speak words of love, I choose to be happy. I choose to continue being who I am without apology, because if you don't like it...well, that isn't any business of mine.
Not my circus, not my monkeys.
* The link above is the Rehabit8 video I mention. I recommend you watch it, then go back to Season 1, Episode 1 and watch their journey so far. Watching Don's construction skills progress is inspiring!
